Cry Havoc, And Let Loose The Dogs Of War

In A.D. 2009.  War was beginning.  Courtesy of Fortune.

Get this: Microsoft – the king of paid software – will announce today that it is going to give a version of Office away for free online. Both the online and desktop versions are scheduled to arrive in the first half of next year. Yes, you read that right. The latest version of its ubiquitous productivity software, dubbed Office 2010, will come as both a piece of software you can buy for your computer, and as a service you can access in your browser. [UPDATE: Microsoft says it will support the Firefox and Safari browsers as well as IE.]

For free. From Microsoft.

Yes, it's true.

For those of you that have been living under a rock, blogging incessantly, or doing whatever it is that gets you though the day, Open Office and Google had been doing a fantastic job of slowly, but surely, marginalizing the overly expensive, bloated, and resource intensive applications that made up the Microsoft Office suite.  Google had gone as far as announcing, last week, Chrome OS for netbooks, further infringing on Microsoft turf. 

Now the sleeping giant is awake.

God help us all.

Or is that, God *is* helping us all?

Homage

I haven't said much about anything lately, but for some reason, this struck me as a classic, appropriate of Michael Jackson.  You want proof on how much the King of Pop has influenced culture?

Look no further.  For your amusement:  Prison Thriller.

Rest in peace, MJ.

<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://music.todaysbigthing.com/betamax/betamax.swf?item_id=1803&fullscreen=1" width="480" height="360">                         <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="sameDomain" />                         <param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" />                         <param name="movie" quality="best" value="http://music.todaysbigthing.com/betamax/betamax.swf?item_id=1803&fullscreen=1" />                     </object><div style='padding:5px 0; text-align:center; width:480px;'>See more <a href='http://www.todaysbigthing.com/'>funny videos</a> and <a href='http://music.todaysbigthing.com/'>Music Videos</a> at <a href='http://www.todaysbigthing.com/'>Today's Big Thing</a>.</div>

One For The Archives

Just because I'm in that kind of mood, and because Thanksgiving is approaching:

WKRP in Cincinnati: Thanksgiving Turkey Bomb! @ Yahoo! Video

...may it stay on this blog until doomsday.

Starcraft 2 - The Trilogy?!

Yes, people, I have more news on Starcraft 2, which I've been impatiently awaiting ever since Brood War made it's appearance way, way back forever ago.  From CNET:

 

Anyway, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that StarCraft II is shaping up to be a much more ambitious product than Blizzard Entertainment had originally conceived, and the company is going to be forced to delay parts of the game.

 

The good news is that instead of waiting until everything in the game is complete, Blizzard is splitting the game into a trilogy--each focusing on a different StarCraft race.

Ye, gods.  When are they going to put out this thing?

 

Of course, it is Blizzard.  It very well could take another year and a half, but the wait will be worth it.  My daughter will be older and able to fend for herself somewhat in the kitchen, and I just have to be happily married by then to someone that hopefully understands my Starcraft addiction. 

 

Resumes are not being accepted.  Sorry.

 

 

Perspective

"Remember that you can eat right, exercise, drink lots of water, not smoke, not do drugs, sleep well, and focus your mental state, and the end result will still be death."

 

 - Clark, while eating a veggie stew for lunch instead of a steak, fried chicken, or bacon.  Mmm, delicious bacon.

My First Book Review

You probably noticed that I haven't been writing a whole lot lately.

It's no coincidence, and yes, I'm still alive. I've just been busy. Besides doing some writing for Divorce 360 and my own blog, Single Dads (although that's been suffering recently - I need to go back to my roots), I've been hanging out with the four year old, working quite a bit, and now... reviewing books. As a member of the website LibraryThing (you'll see the widget over there on the side, there,) I signed up for the Early Reviewers program. It has its perks.

So, here's my first review - that I'm going to put with my first freelance paycheck stub and my first volunteer freelance letter. Be kind, because God knows that I have no idea what I'm doing.

Yet.

But all is falling into place. I think.


--


To say that I fancy myself a poet is not exactly accurate; somewhere in a trunk at home there is a folder with Lord only knows how many pieces of poetry that I wrote in the 80’s and 90’s, when things for me were much bleaker and introspective. I even had some success writing a poem that was published a very long time ago.

Therefore, I looked forward to reading How To Write A Suicide Note by Sherry Quan Lee, a multicultural woman writing about her grappling with suicide, growing up different, and finding herself. To say that I “liked” the series of “poems” (many of which read more like prose than poetry to me – that seems, in retrospect, apt) is not quite the correct word. This was a great series, but in some ways, was so emotional and passionate, that I actually had difficulty reading them. But then again, I’m often dramatic when it comes to topics of this nature.

This was a very good book that I would recommend to people interested in mental health issues, multiculturalism, self-help, poetry or real-life essays, and if you are a parent, read this and learn.

--

Let me know what you think. The curiosity is killing me.

Uh Oh...

I have... returned. It's been a while.

And are you all in trouble. Even so, please, no hacking.
But I'm not going to break Rules 1 and 2. No sireee. And if you don't know what those are, don't look. Run! Run!

The Best Nigerian Scam Email I've Gotten This Year

Ha ha ha!

 

--

Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J. Edgar. Hoover Building, Washington D.C
Telephone Number: ( 202 ) 324-3001   

ATTN: BENEFICIARY.

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have
thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence
Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with
Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of
Nigeria,Mr. Patrick Aziza, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of
Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of
Investigation agents.During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the
reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled
your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance
Payment. 

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf
and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment
in the total amount of $800,000.00 USD which will be deposited into an ATM CARD
which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere of the world. You now have the
lawful right to claim your funds which have been deposited into the ATM CARD. 

Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been involved in this
transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate
and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the
United States Of America. All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM
CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip
which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for
immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you. We have confirmed that the
amount required to procure the Approval Slip will cost you a total of $296 USD
which will be paid directly to the ATM CARD CENTER agent via Western Union
Money Transfer / MoneyGram Money Transfer. Below, you shall find contact
details of the Agent whom will process your transaction from Federal Minister
of Finance: 

CONTACT INFORMATION   
FEDERAL MINISTER OF FINANCE.
ATM CARD CENTRE
NAME: MR. PAUL SMITH
OFFICE LINE:+234-70 8515 0758
EMAIL: atmcardcentre@fedministry.org 

Immediately contact Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM Card Centre with the following
information:   

Full Name: 
Address: 
City: 
State: 
Zip Code: 
Direct Phone Number: 
Current Occupation:
Annual Income:   

Once you have sent the required information to Mr. Paul Smith he will contact
you with instructions on how to make the payment of $296 USD for the Approval
Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any
further delay. You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Federal Bureau
Of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there
shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the
authorized agent. 

Once you have completed payment of $296 to the agent in charge of this
transaction, immediately contact us back for more investigation for
conformation of your ATM card.

Federal Bureau Investigation 
Robert S. Mueller Director, FBI
Telephone Number: ( 202 ) 324-3001
Contact us at:  fbi-report@federal-bureauofinvestigationgov.org

---

 

Wow.  Brazen.  +1 for effort.

My Entry For The Best Cartoon Ever

Hooray Friday!

Simply because I want to, I'm going to post my personal entry for the best cartoon ever.



You're welcome.

Play This Game!

Shoot.  I was suffering Internet burnout before.

Then I found this game: courtesy of Addicting Games - The Impossible Quiz.

Go ahead and try it.  I dare you.  This makes other time wasters... a waste of time?

Working From Home? Do This

Over at HR World, they have an excellent article for remote workers: 6 Ways Remote Workers Can Prove That They're Working.  Why?  I tend to think that it's because, well, let's face facts - most bosses STILL don't like the idea of someone working from home and not being in the office, even if you do work from home often after or before hours... like seemingly 90% of the IT world.

The list is excellent, and I'd say check it out, but it seems to leave out one important element.

If your company uses an instant messenger system, be it Yahoo Messenger or whatever, download it and log in!  Frequently.

Nothing will tell your co-workers that you are online and available easier.

Interviewing? Do These 7 Things

Ah, looking for a job.  We all love it.

Fortunately for the jobless, Yahoo has posted 7 Things You Must Do In An Interview.  My highlights?

Show You Get the "Big Picture"

Find Out What Keeps the Boss Up at Night

Show Some Guts

Listen

Go to the site for the full tip descriptions.  It's pretty good advice, and in this economy, it always pays to be at the top of your interviewing game.

What Does The NYPD Have To Do To Be Accountable?

I suspect that this will not end well.

NEW YORK - Three detectives were acquitted of all charges Friday in the 50-shot killing of an unarmed groom-to-be on his wedding day, a case that put the NYPD at the center of another dispute involving allegations of excessive firepower.

Justice Arthur Cooperman delivered the verdict in a Queens courtroom packed with spectators, including victim Sean Bell's fiancee and parents, and at least 200 people gathered outside the building.

Yahoo News.

Ah.  Brilliant!

I'm not sure if Sean Bell had priors or not.
He might have been drunk.
They might have been in a bad part of town.
But no way does any unarmed person deserve to be shot 50 times and the perpetrators, police or not, do not go to jail, at least not in the America that I know.

Wow.  We all should be SO proud.

Sigh.  I guess I'll have to go back to stockpiling food, water, and ammo.  Actually, strike that ammo part.  But no doubt some people are thinking that way today.

Note to self: for the love of God, avoid the police.  You have a daughter to feed.

Think, Parents!

A cautionary tale for parents, divorced or otherwise.

Yesterday, I was at the park with my daughter, Grace, her half-sister Noelle, and their mother.  It was a gorgeous day, and the playground was relatively close to the kids' school and two other schools, but when we arrived, there were no other children there.  We stuck close and let the kids play in the sand.

I scanned the area.  Nothing particular was out of whack; it was, quite simply, a very simple park, with playground, a port-a-potty (yuck!) and a large, fairly well restored plantation-looking house that I could only assume was some sort of neighborhood gathering place or clubhouse back in the day.

At about the time that I started explaining to Grace that the loud pecking that we heard on the house was simply a very loud woodpecker, I noticed one thing out of place.

One middle aged man in a lawn chair.  Sitting about a block away from us at the other edge of the park looking at nothing in particular.

My parental instincts made a loud buzzing sound.  It was very similar to the sound the inside of my head used to make when a good-looking woman was within some distance of my personal space, but I hadn't seen her yet.  I used to call it a Spider Sense, after the character.

While watching and playing with the kids, out of the corner of my eye I kept looking at this pudgy, middle aged man.

After a while of only having one other kid come to the playground, my ex and I watched as two children, then three, of about third grade or so came from the public school nearby and start playing... with the parents nowhere in sight.

We made plans to leave.  However, I wasn't planning on going anywhere with these kids on the playground, and some grown man across the park, who was still looking... wherever.

Finally, the man folded up his chair, after sitting in the park for what had to have been an hour and a half, packed it into his van (which I know sounds cliched, but it's true, it was a van) and drive away... after circling the park for a block. 

It wasn't until the van was out of sight until we finally picked up the kids and left.

People.

You might be a single parent.  You might be a couple of parents that both work.  I don't know what scenarios you might have.  However, the lesson here I think is a good one:  pick up your young children from school.  You never know who might be watching, and if that individual - who might have been no more than a person watching cars drive by in the park, mind you - had harmed your children because they were vulnerable and you were simply too busy to pick them up from school on a regular weekday... well, where would you be then?

Just a story with a happy ending.

Today.

What I Would Tell Myself If I Could Go Back In Time To 20

The other day, this topic came up, and my thoughts were just too juicy to pass up.  So I have decided to post a few thoughts here on the subject.

What I Would Tell Myself If I Could Go Back In Time To 20

- Do NOT always do what your friends want you to do. Most of the time, they mean well, but it's often a really bad idea.
Everyone likes to have friends.  Some friends will, unfortunately, COMPLETELY BURN YOU.  This might not be on purpose, but it happens... and happens a lot.  I personally can attribute some of the worst things I've ever done to the influence of some friend.

Remember this.

- Stay away from loose women. Trust me on this one.
Look, I'm a guy.  And when I was 20, my hormones were out of control.  But before you do something that you regret, think of these topics: STDs that last forever that won't kill you, dealing with crazy women, dealing with the crazy men that deal with those same crazy women, and really, if you want to have a baby, will that crazy woman teach them how to read?  Will they fix your dinner if you're hungry?  Or will they just be crazy?

You know the answer to those questions.

- If you ignore the loose women comment above, ALWAYS make sure that they are smarter than you are. If you are an average guy, this should be relatively easy.
Men are pretty dumb.  And there are an awful lot of crazy women out there.  But 7 times out of 10, even the crazy women will be smarter than you are.  Accept it and learn as much as you can.

- Avoid debt as much as humanly possible. You don't need a 32 inch TV.
Most debt is really stupid.  Read a book or go on a run.  Do something good with your life.  Most television is on the Internet somewhere anyway.

- Read a book a week.
See above.

- NO DAY BOURBON. Down this path lies madness.
Have you ever noticed exactly how much booze is on television?  Or the corner store?  Or the news?  Or ANYWHERE?
This is an attempt to control you - make you pliant to the world so that you don't notice the things you really want to do.  Don't fall for the hype.

- Tell the truth. This will require never doing things that you wouldn't want to read in your hometown newspaper the next day.
You don't have to be a saint.  You just have to be a decent person.  No one is perfect.

- No matter how wonderful your woman might be, always remember that someone else was there first, and was sick of her.
This will be useful to remember when you've screwed up for time no. 14 and you're pretty sure that you're about to be really yelled at badly.  You can be mad sometimes, and most of the time, it will still be OK. 

- Try to be humble.
This should be easy.  Women mostly love cats, who are tricky and kinda, you know, occasionally evil.  Men love dogs, who basically like steak and such.  If you to judge a person on the company that they keep, which pet is the most humble of the two?  Hint:  Egyptians used to worship cats. 

Dogs fetched stuff.

See what I mean?

- Pick your friends VERY carefully. People tend to get what they deserve.
My God, this is so important.  If you hang out with evil people, you'd be surprised at how quickly you start planning the demise of civilization as we know it, with you installed as the Ultimate Leader.

Good things rub off.  So do bad ones.

- Finally, when you start screwing up the rules above, FORGIVE yourself and move on.
You'd better do this and remember this rule, because you will screw up a lot.  Don't get too shocked and surprised when you do.  Being overly judgmental to yourself or others will definitely screw you up.

So there are a few things I'd go back in time and tell myself.

How To Weed Out The Truly Stupid

It's quite simple really.  Get them a camera phone, sit back, and see what happens.

BARTOW, Fla. -- On their own videotape, six Polk County girls laughed in another girl's face as they beat her so badly she was hospitalized. Friday in court, they hung their heads in shame.

Not only will the girls be tried as adults for their videotaped attack, they'll also have a hard time getting out of jail. The judge made a pretty strong statement to the kids Friday. Judge Angela Cowden doubled the normal bond for all eight teens.Each is now held on anywhere from $31,000 to $37,000 for kidnapping and battery and Friday many of their parents told Eyewitness News they can't afford to get their kids out.

Really?  Nice.
The sweet, sweet justice is reported by WFTV.com, with a hat tip to Fark.

When the deal goes down, I'm hoping that the judge doles out a little justice to the parents as well.  I wouldn't have said that, but after watching one of the parents of the precious little snowflakes talk about how it was the victims fault on The Today Show the other day, I lost my compassion.

Here's a tip for you parents:
Turn the TV off and pay attention to your freakin' kids, please.

The Question, Ladies And Gentlemen, Is This: Is That A Naked Woman In Dick Cheney's Sunglasses?

To the right of this post, you'll see the picture that has all of the Internet abuzz. To prove my point, try googling "cheney sunglasses". As of this moment, I have over 137,000 hits, mostly from the last 24 hours. Lord knows how many hits there will be by the time that you read this.

The general question that people seem to want to have answered is the question referenced in the title of this post (see the Chicago Sun Times or several hundred locations if you don't believe me).

So, what is that image in Vice-President Cheney's sunglasses, anyway?
I submit these suggestions to what we are seeing in the image:

• Satan bowing down to Mr. Cheney.
• A human soul being sucked from an adult female in order to provide sustenance to the VP.
• The final emergence of Chulthu.
• The experiment has finally worked, and Cheney has finally bred a half-human, half-praying mantis beast. He calls it ManTis. Run!
• The aftereffects of gazing into the Ark of The Covenant (don't look, Marion!).

What this image in Mr. Cheney's sunglasses is NOT:

• A naked woman.

Now. Why were we supposed to care, again?

The Top Blogs In the World?

Over at Valleywag, they've done a beautiful post summing up Time Magazine's article on the World's Best 25 Blogs.  Somehow, they managed to limit it to one page.  Nicely done, Valleywag.

Noted are blogs such as:

The Huffington Post,
Lifehacker
PostSecret
Engadget
Freakonomics

I'm proud to say that I read those already, along with several others on the list.  However, I ALSO noticed that POW - The blog is not on the list, nor is Single Dads.  Perhaps I should endeavour to make that so.  What do you think?

Oh, and check out the article.  There's some pretty decent reading there.

Back To Bringing The Goods

I took a pretty extended break from blogging for a little bit (my most significant break since, oh, 2004 or so) but after a vacation to SXSW, spending an increasing amount of time with my four-year old (that's about to go up too - more on that later) and trying to concentrate on work, I found the exact article to ease my way back into the writing gig when I saw this this little educational nugget about the public educational system, or lack of it.

WASHINGTON - Seventeen of the nation's 50 largest cities had high school graduation rates lower than 50 percent, with the lowest graduation rates reported in Detroit, Indianapolis and Cleveland, according to a report released Tuesday.

MSNBC gets the cite.

Let's see.  I live in Denver.  It's one of the most highly educated cities in the nation, I've heard somewhere.

Denver:  Denver County School District - 46.3 percent graduation rate.

43.6 percent graduation rate?

So I'm going to have to try to send my daughter to private schools for the rest of her days?

Public education.  My wallet.  I weep for them both.

Protecting The Children Goes Haywire

This simply is not a good time to be a teenager. 

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. - A 17-year-old Sheboygan boy is facing criminal charges after allegedly fathering a child with his 16-year-old girlfriend.

Kou Yang is charged in Sheboygan County with repeated sexual assault of a child. The charge carries a maximum 25 years in prison.

Thank the Star Tribune, with a hat tip to Fark.

Having children when you, yourself, is a child?  Stupid.
Being part of a legal system that will charge a child with aggravated sexual assault when the two have been dating for three years?  Unbelievably stupid.

Let's hope that not everyone involved in this case is completely off their rocker.