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    Monday, April 21, 2008

    What I Would Tell Myself If I Could Go Back In Time To 20

    The other day, this topic came up, and my thoughts were just too juicy to pass up.  So I have decided to post a few thoughts here on the subject.

    What I Would Tell Myself If I Could Go Back In Time To 20

    - Do NOT always do what your friends want you to do. Most of the time, they mean well, but it's often a really bad idea.
    Everyone likes to have friends.  Some friends will, unfortunately, COMPLETELY BURN YOU.  This might not be on purpose, but it happens... and happens a lot.  I personally can attribute some of the worst things I've ever done to the influence of some friend.

    Remember this.

    - Stay away from loose women. Trust me on this one.
    Look, I'm a guy.  And when I was 20, my hormones were out of control.  But before you do something that you regret, think of these topics: STDs that last forever that won't kill you, dealing with crazy women, dealing with the crazy men that deal with those same crazy women, and really, if you want to have a baby, will that crazy woman teach them how to read?  Will they fix your dinner if you're hungry?  Or will they just be crazy?

    You know the answer to those questions.

    - If you ignore the loose women comment above, ALWAYS make sure that they are smarter than you are. If you are an average guy, this should be relatively easy.
    Men are pretty dumb.  And there are an awful lot of crazy women out there.  But 7 times out of 10, even the crazy women will be smarter than you are.  Accept it and learn as much as you can.

    - Avoid debt as much as humanly possible. You don't need a 32 inch TV.
    Most debt is really stupid.  Read a book or go on a run.  Do something good with your life.  Most television is on the Internet somewhere anyway.

    - Read a book a week.
    See above.

    - NO DAY BOURBON. Down this path lies madness.
    Have you ever noticed exactly how much booze is on television?  Or the corner store?  Or the news?  Or ANYWHERE?
    This is an attempt to control you - make you pliant to the world so that you don't notice the things you really want to do.  Don't fall for the hype.

    - Tell the truth. This will require never doing things that you wouldn't want to read in your hometown newspaper the next day.
    You don't have to be a saint.  You just have to be a decent person.  No one is perfect.

    - No matter how wonderful your woman might be, always remember that someone else was there first, and was sick of her.
    This will be useful to remember when you've screwed up for time no. 14 and you're pretty sure that you're about to be really yelled at badly.  You can be mad sometimes, and most of the time, it will still be OK. 

    - Try to be humble.
    This should be easy.  Women mostly love cats, who are tricky and kinda, you know, occasionally evil.  Men love dogs, who basically like steak and such.  If you to judge a person on the company that they keep, which pet is the most humble of the two?  Hint:  Egyptians used to worship cats. 

    Dogs fetched stuff.

    See what I mean?

    - Pick your friends VERY carefully. People tend to get what they deserve.
    My God, this is so important.  If you hang out with evil people, you'd be surprised at how quickly you start planning the demise of civilization as we know it, with you installed as the Ultimate Leader.

    Good things rub off.  So do bad ones.

    - Finally, when you start screwing up the rules above, FORGIVE yourself and move on.
    You'd better do this and remember this rule, because you will screw up a lot.  Don't get too shocked and surprised when you do.  Being overly judgmental to yourself or others will definitely screw you up.

    So there are a few things I'd go back in time and tell myself.

    1 Comment:

    carol said...

    so i was thinking that maybe we could hang out, plan the demise of civilization as we know it and install you as Ultimate Leader? there'll be ziggurats... and cat-worship...


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